Right now, i just need to get my thoughts out there. I doubt anyone will see this but i have to get this out of my head.
Jimmy Eat World in cardiff, a night in June that changed my life. I spent the spring and beginning of summer trying to sort my head out. No girls, i don't need them till I am happy with myself. Then a space of randomness, i started dancing and singing with this girl. We then spent the rest of the gig together. At the end of the gig i ask for her number, she refused but gave me her BBM instead.
Not really expecting anything I drove back to Oxford. When i got back a BBM from this girl. Soon turned out she lived in Swansea and went to Aberswyterf (however you spell it).
I spent my summer getting to know this amazing girl, we clicked got on the house on fire, had loads in common, loved the same music, similar interests. Chatting for practically the entire day we were awake. A joke remark about going to see her in Wales, actually turned into something serious. Nervous as anything i traveled the 150 miles to see her. Only speaking once on the phone at this time. So she picked me up from the train station and after a slight bit of uhhh wtf. Our connect via a mobile phone translated into a connection in the real world.
We had an amazing weekend. Even watched her perform as a backing singer for a stereophonics gig. After a fun weekend, it was evident that we both liked each other, then we seriously chatted. Whatever happens over the summer as soon as Autumn begins we wont work out. a) we live 4 to 5 hours away b) we are both in our final years in demanding courses that wont allow us anytime to visit c) she will be doing plays and performances till Jan.
At that point I knew what I was getting myself into. We both wanted it to happen but distance, timing and circumstance couldn't let it happen.
I went to Europe for 2 weeks, pretty much chatted to her the entire time. She came and visited me at home and got on superbly well with my family. We then went to Boardmasters, albiet it was a difficult weekend it was nice to spend time with her. She then started working full time, and our contact became less. We met up one last time. We both knew it was the last time we would see each other. She explained that her summer was now over, she was focusing on work, uni and her performances and as much as she would like to... she couldn't.
I left swindon with her driving behind me crying down the phone to my friend. Quite simply i fell for her. But its one of the situations where, we would have both fucked it up. We had no time to make it work, i know its for the best and who knows what might happen after uni.
We have spoken a bit over the last month, but not alot. I miss talking to her, she is so full of life (then again to be expected with a drama student). I love how focused and determined she is.
Reason im writing this today? Well her first play is tomorrow night, i wish i could be there for it. I would love to go to Aber and suprise her being at one of her shows. I dunno how that would go down? Has she moved on or found someone else? On her facebook she uploaded a photo of flowers she recieved assumingly by a guy. Which shouldn't get to me, but made me miss her and what we had. There's a big chance that nothing will happen between us. The least i can hope for is that I keep her as a friend.
